La volo malaperi (enhav-averto: seksperforto, torturo, sektoj, senhejmeco, transfobio, psikiatrio, drogoj)

Enhav-averto: seksperforto, torturo, sektoj, senhejmeco, transfobio, psikiatrio, drogoj.

La 11-an de marto 2011, mi estis seksperfortita kaj torturita dum horoj kaj horoj, fare de cisgenra virino; ankoraŭ hodiaŭ restas cikatroj. Mi kulpis min pro mia propra seksperfortiĝo dum jaroj, do mi klopodis trovi ian religion… tiun saman marton, mi iĝis ano de la Bahaa Kredo, kiun mi forlasis nur kelkajn monatojn poste pro ties malsubteno de GLAT-aj rajtoj. Dum mia mallonga aneco en la kredo, mi eklernis Esperanton. Tiam mi estis tre psike damaĝita, kiel nun, sed ankaŭ nekonscia pri mia propra traŭmato. Mi estis enŝranka transseksulo tiam, antaŭ-hormon-terapia, kaj mi konsideris mian transseksecon nur plua malmoralaĵo mia, kiu kaŭzis ke mi suferis la seksperforton. Mi bone scias hodiaŭ, ke tio estas rubaĵo, sed mi ne sciis tion tiam.

La postan jaron mi devis ĉesi severan substancan dependecon, do mi aniĝis en sekto, kiu pretendis la kapablon kuraci min. Mi ja ĉesis la dependencon, sed ili samtempe informis min, ke mi havis nenian individuan potencon, ke mi bezonis ilin. Ili devigis min konfesi diversajn aferojn pri mia pasinteco, kaj “konfirmis” mian senton de kulpeco pri mia seksperfortiĝo. Ili diris al mi, ke mia transsekseco estis parto de mia “malsano,” ke ĝi estis spirita problemo. Mi plu prokrastis hormon-terapion.

La 25-an de decembro 2013, mi klopodis kaj malsukcesis mortigi min. Frue en januaro, mi naive informis mian terapiiston, kiu sendis min al psikiatria malsanulejo kontraŭ mia volo. Tie mi elŝrankiĝis kiel transseksulino al psikiatria flegistino. Ŝi diris ke, kvankam la vivo de transseksulino estas malfacila, mi ja ne estas la unua homo, kiu iam havis tiun problemon, do ĝi ne estas bona kialo mortigi min. Kiam mi eliris mi elŝrankiĝis al mia familio, kiu malakceptis min kaj diris, ke ĝi estas simptomo de mia frenezeco.

Nelonge poste mi trovis min denove en la sama malsanulejo, dirante al ili ke mi estas virino, sed ili rifuzis uzi mian novan nomon aŭ pronomojn. De tie mi iris al “duonvoja domo,” tio estas, loko por senhejmuloj kun psikaj malsanoj, kiuj ĵus eliris la psikiatrian malsanulejon.

Mi sukcesis trovi laboron en norda Virginio, sed ne sukcesis teni la oficon. Mi ekloĝis kun viro en Vaŝingtono, kiu ofertis manĝon kaj loĝadon al mi por mia laboro. Li estas vorte kaj emocie mistraktema, do mi finfine forkuris el lia hejmo en la straton, kie mi loĝis dum monatoj. Samtempe mi organizis Esperanto-renkontiĝojn. En malfrua februaro 2015 mi decidis, ke ĉar mi estas senhejma, ne multe gravas ĉu mi denove ekuzas drogojn, do mi faris tion. Pli severe ol iam ajn, mi iĝis metamfetamina dependanto. En frua aprilo 2015 mi denove seksperfortiĝis, de cisgenra viro; mi eĉ estis sobra tiun nokton, kvankam mi ne sobris la postan.

Mi lernis nelonge poste, ke mia patro estas malsana. Mi decidis reiri al Ohio por viziti lin en la malsanulejo. Inter mi kaj la gepatroj, la aferoj iom varmiĝis, kaj mi restis tie la ceteron de la jaro. Propravole kaj proprapotence mi denove ĉesis uzi metamfetaminon. Samtempe mi tute ĉesis kredi je spiritaj sensencaĵoj.

Ĉi-jare mi moviĝis al Niagara Falls, Novjorkio. Mi havas partneron ĉi tie, kaj mi estas pli feliĉa ol iam ajn. Sed la memoro de la pasinteco ankoraŭ doloras min, kune kun la honto pri tio, ke dum okazis ĉio ĉi-supra, ankaŭ mi mem ne estis la plej bona homo al aliaj. Krome, faŝismo venis al Usono, do estas kvazaŭ la traŭmato estas freŝa; tre verŝajne mi nun, kiel multaj, spertas pluajn traŭmatojn.

Do, tre ofte, mi simple volas malaperi. Eĉ kiam mi engaĝiĝas en hobioj, ekzemple lingvokonstruado, mi sentas min tro fremdiĝinta por interagi kun tiuj kun similaj interesoj. Samtempe, mi ne povas malaperi, do mi engaĝiĝas en terapio, esperante, ke tio iam helpos min. Kaj mi nun parolas al tre malmulta kvanto da homoj: tiuj, kiujn mi jam bone konas kaj fidas. Eble tio igas min egoisma; tion mia cerbo ja konstante diras al mi. Sed oni ne povas manĝigi alian homon kiam onia propra telero estas malplena.

Universalism, international auxiliary languages, and social justice

The universalist premise behind Esperanto is often described as “idealistic” and “utopian,” and can be summed up with its interna ideo (internal idea): “On the foundation of a neutral language eliminate the walls between the nations and make the people accustomed to each other, so that each of them will see in their neighbor only a human and a brother.” (Zamenhof, 1912, Parolado antaŭ la Oka Kongreso Esperantista; translation my own.)

In a sense, looking at everyone as a human, ignoring differences and focusing on similarities, sounds like a great idea. This premise is far from exclusive to the Esperanto movement, and defined many social justice movements in the 20th century. But unfortunately, it has not brought the justice it has promised. Inequality does not go away just because you ignore it. For example, if I associate with a group of abuse victims, and the group ignores LGBT issues because they’re a movement for abuse victims only, that doesn’t change the fact that when I apply for PTSD therapy or housing for battered women, my being transgender and bisexual can cause me to be discriminated against, and it has. Add the fact that I am neurodivergent and disabled, so my insurance options are limited, and the situation looks even worse. My issue is not that exactly that I’m LGBT, nor that I have PTSD, nor that I’m neurodivergent, nor that I’m disabled: it’s all of these things at the same time.

Last year I wrote a post, “How universal can a language be?”, which sparked a discussion of how an auxlang that was truly inclusive would be made. I think as a fundamental principle, any auxlang designed for the world we live in right now, rather than a future utopia, must acknowledge that there are differences between people, and that these differences often have a combined effect greater than the sum of its parts (intersectionality). This means allowing for self-definition, allowing for the people who have experience with something to decide how to define themselves, instead of following the gospel of someone who lived over a century ago and didn’t even see the problem with saying that all humans should see each other as brothers.

The criticism often raised by traditionalist Esperanto speakers is, “Wouldn’t this make it devolve into dialects?” Such a belief stems from 19th-century attitudes about language, where dialects were seen as terrible and unfortunate things, as “impurities” arising from the one true language. The ideal auxlang, in my eyes, allows for dialects. What does it matter if different social groups speak differently, if they understand each other? Dialects are not a problem, but snobby and pretentious attitudes towards so-called “proper language use” definitely are. And anyone who is analytic about Esperanto would recognize that even “fundamenta Esperanto” already has quite a few dialects, reflecting different schools of Esperanto instruction as well as viewpoints on things like the 15th rule (neologisms) and pseudosuffixes (e.g. changing -kcio to -ado, when underlying roots didn’t previously exist).

The goal of any auxlang that strives to create a just world, should be to decentralize the dominant culture, and to eliminate cultural dominance. Of course, it would be ridiculous to claim that a language could do this. Such a language must only be part of a broader movement, a means to the creation of a just world. And it must be considered replaceable whenever it proves to be unjust, or whenever people have become too rigid about it. The goal is not linguistic stability; the goal is justice. The goal is not to make people see each other as equals, but to make people equal.

Suzette Haden Elgin’s other conlangs

Raye Chell Mahela

Images of aliens from the cover of Native Tongue books

Suzette Haden Elgin, the creator of Láadan and author of the Native Tongue book series (among others), had been working on a new novel prior to her health problems. According to her LiveJournal, she was in the process of re-writing it by hand.

suzette

(http://ozarque.livejournal.com/657123.html?nojs=1)

How complete was the draft? Will it ever be released? Who knows…

The new novel was given the name Alien Tongues. As part of the novel, S.H.E. had also been working on new languages for the book: Thandi, Lenadess, Aubre, and Nangdi. On her official website, she posted the Swadesh Vocab List for these languages.

I’ve parsed these vocab lists to display them in a pretty table.

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Natural Gender in Klingon

Warning: Non-linguist talking about linguistics ahead.

Recently I started putting some time into learning Klingon, though I’m not capable of conversing in it and reading it is also very difficult still. My reason for wanting to learn it, more than anything else, is that it’s there.

Klingon is a language designed by linguist Marc Okrand for the Star Trek films, based essentially on a dialog written for the first film by James Doohan. It was deliberately written to be as unlike English as possible, and many of its features are also very unusual for human languages: for example its Object-Verb-Subject syntax is rare, though not unheard of. At the same time, none of its features are completely alien to human language, either.

One of the more common human-like characteristics of Klingon is the existence of gender. It’s important to note, however, that grammatical gender has nothing to do with masculinity and femininity per se. The word “gender” is ultimately derived from a Latin word that simply meant “class” or “category,” and has the same root as “genus.” While this root did have a reproductive meaning, this does not seem to be the meaning when applied to Latin words. Latin writers would talk about the “genera” of nouns but also the “genera” of verbs, by which they just meant “type,” since Latin verbs are not affected by gender, linguistic or colloquial.

From what I have read, mainly in the World Atlas of Language Structures (an extremely helpful resource for conlangers), the linguistic definition of a gender is a class of nouns with bearing on the inflection of other parts of speech (pronouns, verbs, adjectives, etc.). A language may distinguish between rational nouns (humans and gods) and non-rational nouns; or between animate nouns and inanimate nouns; or between 10 or more  categories such as plants, animals, concepts, etc. These are all genders, despite them saying nothing about masculinity and femininity. Not being a linguist, I am using the definition given by the World Atlas of Language Structures, but it’s controversial whether pronouns count. According to WALS, English has gender due to the effect that nouns have on the pronouns he, she, and it. It’s uncontroversial to say that English has natural gender, and so does Klingon.

Klingon distinguishes between (1) beings capable of using language; (2) everything else. The second gender is further differentiated into two classes: (1) body parts; (2) everything else, but this only has bearing on the inflection of the nouns themselves, specifically the formation of the plural. ghaH is the independent pronoun referring to any being capable of using language, while ‘oH is the independent pronoun referring to things and to beings incapable of language. There are also possessive pronominal suffixes, like in Hungarian, Hebrew, Arabic, and many other languages, which are influenced by the gender of the possessed noun. For example, to say “you are my loved one” you say “bangwI’ SoH.”  To say “it is my home,” you say “juHwIj ‘oH.”

It’s interesting to think about how the separation between beings capable of language and not capable of language conforms to the speciesism of Klingons, who have been shown on the series to dislike unintelligent animals such as tribbles and cats. It’s also interesting to consider the parallels this might have to the commonality of masculine and feminine genders in human languages.

Obviously this is all science fiction, but it’s interesting to think about. It also shows the many potentials for gender in conlangs beyond just masculine and feminine. It’s worth mentioning that, according to WALS, a little over half of the world’s languages have absolutely no gender distinctions in pronouns… which is interesting in the context of the debate over pronouns in international auxiliary languages. It’s interesting how many such languages distinguish some form of natural gender, even Lingua Franca Nova (people and things), despite gender’s lack of universality.

Sorry if this post rambled a bit, and if you read it, then thanks for reading.

Being Kindhearted in the Conlang World

Raye Chell Mahela

If there’s one thing that burns me out on conlangs super fast, it’s people being shitty to each other. It can be about anything – inter-conlang insulting, sexist comic strips translated into that conlang, insulting other peoples’ religions, anything.

Conlangs are spoken by human beings, and there will always be trouble when human beings are involved, but when your conlang’s thesis is around world peace, I’m always disappointed to find this kind of shit posted:

Various religious guys looking afraid of a brain

Really? We have this auxlang and many hope that it will be spoken around the world, and you’re a speaker of this language for whatever reason, but post shit like this?

This is why I’m an Atheist who generally doesn’t bother telling people I’m Atheist; because so many Atheists can be so “holier-than-thou” (ironic) than gigantic populations of people.

And even then – it doesn’t matter if this is what you think about these things, but to blatantly lack any sort of respect for other human beings by actively shitting on them just pisses me off.

Stop it.


 

bonkora

Be kind and be respectful towards each other.

Áya Dan Telegram Chatroom

Raye Chell Mahela

Telegram logo

Telegram is a modern instant messaging and chat room application, similar in ways to IRC but with more modern features like emoji, image sharing, and attachments.

You can download the app for your computer or mobile device at telegram.org

Afterward, you can come join us in the Áya Dan chatroom by opening this link with Telegram:

https://t.me/joinchat/AAAAAAqqiKNyGFX-JSJToA (You must open WITH the Telegram app!)

You can also find a lot of Esperanto chatrooms through telegramo.org

and there is also an Ido group at https://telegram.me/joinchat/Bb9aLQJfnwQSxa9Nr8QV6A

Fojfoje necesas eliri la realon

Lastajare mi konsideris forlasi Esperanton (ne temus pri “kabeo,” ĉar mi neniam sufiĉe aktivis), kaj ĉiajn aliajn planlingvojn, pro tio, ke mi devas zorgi pri multe pli seriozaj aferoj. Nu, kompreneble, tio neniam okazis. Kvankam internacia helplingvo estas plej optimisme revo iom post iom realiĝanta, plej pesimisme fantazio nekredebla, tio tamen ne estas, per si mem, malbona. La realo ofte iĝas, ĉe marĝenuloj, tro kruela por ĉiam pensadi pri ĝi. Tiam oni bezonas dumtempan eliron, sciante ke oni ne restos tie tro longe kaj reiros al la realo laŭ eble plej frue. Verŝajne tial homoj havas la kapablon imagi nekredeblaĵojn.

Mi komprenas, ke por multaj homoj, Esperanto estas afero tre serioza kaj praktika. Mi ĝojas, ke ili trovas tian utilon en la lingvo. Tio evidente atestas al la diversaj uzoj de ĉi tiu lingvo. Tamen. por mi, Esperanto ne praktike helpas min, nur fantazie. Kaj tio estas bonega, ĉar mi ne povas ĉiam toleradi ĉion, kio okazas ĉirkaŭ mi. Ĉi-jare en Usono, tri aferoj iel iĝis la plej gravaj aferoj por normaluloj: mia rajto ekzisti, la rajto ekzisti de islamanoj, kaj la rajto ekzisti de malriĉaj enmigrantoj. Tute ne interesas min defendi mian ekziston. Prefere mi lernus Volapukon.

Mi komprenas, ke la rezultoj de ĉi tiu disputo materie tuŝegos min. Mi devas defendi min, samkiel ĉiu devas defendi sin. Sed sen fantazio, mi verŝajne ne “materie” ekzistus sufiĉe longe por plibonigi miajn cirkonstancojn.

Conlang T-shirts (Áya Dan)

Raye Chell Mahela

Esperanto TShirtsI am definitely a t-shirt person. Most of the time, my fashion consists of jeans or shorts and a t-shirt. But there aren’t always t-shirts out there that I want, so I design my own as well.

On my conlangers shop, I make cute graphic tees that relate to conlangs. (At the moment, it is basically just Esperanto because it used to be called “Mojoseco”). If you like Áya Dan and also happen to enjoy one of these t-shirts, hopefully you’ll pick one up! When you have expendable income, of course. I get about 20% of the t-shirt sales back, so it is just a little something to help out with paying for webhosting, and maybe to motivate me to make YouTube videos for my various conlang channels. (wink wink nudge nudge) ;P

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Anyone want to help me parse text files?

Raye Chell Mahela


 

I think that it would be nice to build a dictionary that has translations between many conlangs and natlangs, for use as a single application.

And, let me know if this has already been done, because I don’t want to reinvent the wheel or anything.

I’ve set up a GitHub project here:
https://github.com/RachelJMorris/Conlang-Dictionary
in hopes that I can get some help with this casual project.

Mainly, I’ve pulled dictionaries from around the ‘web, and they need to be parsed. Most of these dictionaries aren’t made with the idea of parsability in mind, only being read by a human. Scraping data from documents like these is always a pain, and I wouldn’t want to do it all solo.

Additionally, it’s always good to have another set of eyes looking over the design so that features that might be really important are added ahead of time, or a bad design is pointed out. I haven’t designed any databases in a while, but I’m hoping what I have makes some sense.

Finfine, after a dictionary has been compiled and made available to everybody as an CopyFree asset, it would be nice to also build some CopyFree dictionary utilities – for web, desktop, and mobile.

Thoughts?

Fujo – Esperanto translation

Raye Chell Mahela
Fujo by Radomir Dopieralski
Fujo by Radomir Dopieralski

I translated a small dungeon crawler into Esperanto last night. Its page is here on Áya Dan under the Esperanto pages.

http://ayadan.moosader.com/fujo-by-radomir-dopieralski-esperanto-translation/

If you want to translate some open source games and have them hosted on Áya Dan, or you’re hosting them elseware and want me to post up a link, please let me know.

–Rachel